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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here. Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself. Funny : 54   Not Funny : 53 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:05pm figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex's driveway. Funny : 56   Not Funny : 36 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:05pm I've been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat Funny : 53   Not Funny : 44 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:04pm I'd be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now Funny : 38   Not Funny : 38 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:04pm I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice. Funny : 82   Not Funny : 41 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:04pm Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word? Funny : 44   Not Funny : 39 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:04pm 18 is TOO young to get married! You can't even buy booze at 18! If you can't buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!? Funny : 27   Not Funny : 36 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:04pm It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that's just for the alcohol. Funny : 56   Not Funny : 33 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:04pm You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine. Funny : 22   Not Funny : 19 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:03pm Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can't we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark? Funny : 23   Not Funny : 23 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:03pm We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.  Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go? Funny : 16   Not Funny : 21 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:03pm If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg" Funny : 42   Not Funny : 21 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:02pm I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster. Funny : 34   Not Funny : 19 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:02pm It's impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap. Funny : 51   Not Funny : 23 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:02pm If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you'll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine. Funny : 22   Not Funny : 22 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 21:02pm If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time. Funny : 22   Not Funny : 12 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 20:59pm Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over. Funny : 10   Not Funny : 16 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 20:59pm It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes. Funny : 23   Not Funny : 16 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 20:59pm A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils Funny : 35   Not Funny : 27 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 20:59pm Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another. Funny : 23   Not Funny : 16 Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.16 @ 20:59pm